A Convict's Conviction
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that nearly every single person has had at least one life changing event that served as a wake up call to rethink whatever course their life had been going down until that point. Mine came after being arrested for an offence almost as serious as murder. Now, I didn't murder anyone, and maybe my lawyer was just trying to scare me, but according to him, importing is one of the most serious offences in the Criminal Code. "Holy f&#*ing s&#t!!" was literally my reaction when I heard the news that a four year prison term was on the very low end of a typical sentence length for the amount that I had been caught with. Every time I think about how this all went down I shake my head incredulously. Everything happened so fast. I went from a fast-growing career to being abruptly entrenched in the middle of an enormous, highly complicated legal nightmare that would take years to rectify.
In a nutshell, this is how it works: when someone has been charged with importing, the physical weight of the drugs is the biggest determining factor for calculating the length of the prison term. Prison is part of the mandatory minimum sentencing structure imposed by the Harper government pertaining to a multitude of offenses in the Criminal Code. Mandatory minimum sentences have been heavily criticized due to their punitive nature and because they neglect to consider other salient factors that contributed to the crime. So, in my case, I was looking at a best-case scenario of four years! When I first heard this number I almost fainted. That was a deal? No way Jose, that didn't sound like a deal to me. Now you may disagree with this and it is true that the law is the law. Understand that I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me. But this is how I felt, how I still feel, and that is that the particulars of my case were potentially going to be ignored by a one-size-fits-all law with the punishment being excessively severe.
Thus, I shortly accepted that I couldn't change the laws, at least not at that moment or anytime soon, and I most certainly couldn't do it alone. When I knew my life was going to take a drastic turn, I had to prepare myself for what was to come, whether I wanted to or not. For months I was furious at everyone. Furious at myself for being such a moron, furious at my co-accused for dragging me into the whole bloody mess, and furious at the legal system for seemingly being so unfair to someone who was obviously naive. I was also furious at the fact that I would have to put my life on hold...until I decided that I wasn't going to put it on hold at all.
I was on bail for two and a half years. I began my metamorphosis by quitting cocaine, weaning myself off alcohol, and ditched my membership at the after-hours for a gym membership instead. I was never physically addicted, but I did have periods in my life where I used dangerous amounts. I just loved being out. I loved being social and staying out all night. These substances helped me live that life and forget about the dissolution of my parents' 30-year marriage. I would sometimes go to 3-4 parties in the same night, only because I wanted to see all my different groups of friends. An imbibing insomniac. Then I went through a period with abnormally high blood pressure, and even had to wear this embarrassingly outdated heart monitor contraption overnight to record my pressure for 24 hours. It was clunky and uncomfortable, but the fact that it made me feel aged beyond my years was the scary part. I’ve always been pretty athletic so this was definitely not normal. My health scare, combined with the monumental legal imbroglio were two of the three reasons that I knew it was time to shift direction. As if the first two weren't enough already. The third thing that happened was that I had two close friends suddenly pass away within a small window of each other. One of them took their own life, and one of them had a brain aneurysm. I like to believe they could have been prevented because they were both related to lifestyle choices and neglected mental health issues. Because of these causes, I didn't drink the pain away when they died. I just let grief run its course. It was unbearable some days, but I knew I would never heal properly if I just kept masking the sorrow. Bad things happen in threes, and I felt like this was God (yes that God, we talk again now) telling me that his plan for me was not to be the third.
A day came when I made the conviction that all this was supposed to help get me on the path I needed to be on to live a long, healthy, fulfilling life. I did a lot of reflecting during my time on bail. I reminded myself of my accomplishments, and wonderful network of family, friends and business associates that I had. I knew I was not a quitter, and I was not going to let my immature judgement lapse ruin my life. I also knew that I had contributed a lot of good to the world, and that I would continue to do so. Any accomplishment, whether big or small, starts with belief. If you don't have that, you will find yourself continually getting discouraged. You will end up stifling your own progress because you keep telling yourself why something will not work or why you aren't good enough. That is no good. If you do that, cut it out already!
Once I had the belief, I had to make a plan. I was heading into prison, so how to make the most of this? How to turn things around of the better. I knew what I had to do, so how was I going to accomplish my goals in the confines of the prison system? Things just don't fall in your lap, and when they do, you take them for granted. They don't mean as much. You have to work for it. You have to get going, and then keep powering through the obstacles, because you know they will come, but you will never know when.
The first part of my plan was to get back in shape, and stay in shape. So what did I have to do to accomplish that goal? I chatted with a few friends who were personal trainers, and they agreed to send me in workouts. I researched the recreational facility at Grand Valley. I familiarized myself with plyometric workouts. I was always creative, so I knew that even if I was confined to a small space I could get some exercise in. I also packed tons of workout clothes in my boxes, with two pairs of running shoes. Like I said before, just being in workout clothes alone can guilt you into getting active.
The second part of my plan was to read all the books that I never gave the time of day to read because I was too busy building my business and socializing. I knew that prison would be the perfect time to read, learn, and build a wealth of knowledge I would need to prepare myself for re-entry in the community, so I promised myself I would read at least one non-fiction book a week. Several months in and I have now doubled that number. I also make personalized notes of all the important stuff I learned, so I can go back and read it whenever I want. I ask friends for their book recommendations, and then make those requests at the public library. It has been an exceptionally effective strategy to say the least.
The third part of my plan was to write about my experience. I write at least a page every day, and if I'm super busy I will put it in point form. I document important events, obstacles, conversations, and achievements, and believe it will be an interesting unique story that will add value to society's perception regarding women in prison. I always make sure to obtain other's people's permission though, because I believe everyone's experience should be their own unless they want to share it.
The fourth part of my plan was to use this experience as a way to raise awareness to the number of women getting naively involved in the drug trafficking world. It was frightening how many people I met that had to serve lengthy sentences, who were, by all other accounts law-abiding citizens. I put the framework together for "Cons & Kernels" and we actually had our first event in September. While incarcerated, I worked with my business associates on the outside who helped me with the market research, outreach, and logo design. The halfway house - who secured our spot at the event - was willing to purchase the ingredients needed for the samples provided, and voila! While I have a tremendous amount of experiential marketing background and was able to put together the plan myself, without outside help it would have been tremendously challenging. I knew that if I wanted to accomplish this goal, I had to ask for help, and people were more than willing to oblige considering my lack of resources.
Since day one, I have constantly been putting efforts into these four areas. I know when I get out I will have to put in even more effort, but I am looking forward to it. I know I will be met with new challenges, because there are always going to be people that criticize you or want to tear you down. I'm ready to fight that battle, and I know that I already have tons of people on my side. I simply will not let fear of criticism and rejection stop me from doing what needs to be done. I would be doing society a disservice for being silent about the drug trafficking world that is engulfing many unsuspecting women on a daily basis (I plan to write a piece about this later, stay tuned).
Life is increasingly unpredictable, continuously throwing us into tumultuous situations. Did I expect to be in prison at age 29? Sure as hell not. But I sure as hell won't let it stop me from doing something good with it either.